Moving towards the light

Today I stuck to my usual routine before heading over to my friendly neighbourhood float tank place. However, once I settled into the tank, I resisted going into theta. Each time I felt my mind swirling down the wormhole, I became anxious and tried to force the trance, which broke it immediately. I finally succumbed by reminiscing about my teenage years; every summer I tried to tan myself in the backyard, lying on a beach lounger with a book. I remembered the time a butterfly alit on my forearm (the part that never seemed to tan) and I wanted to know what that butterfly was thinking/feeling at that moment. It stayed with me for about 5 minutes and then flew away. For the next 2 days, I lay in the same spot in the backyard and the butterfly returned to me and alit on the same place on my arm. And then I never saw it again.

The sun above me became a brilliant waterfall of light. I bathed in its crystalline perfection. But it was no longer the sun, I was awash in something I can only describe as love. My subconscious spoke to me: Know that you are loved, that what you call the universe loves you. There is an infinite supply of it and you are never alone…it’s always with you. Love is not an emotion. Love is the hyperawareness of the unseen universe around us. When they say “go towards the light,” it means to choose love instead of darkness. The more love you allow into your soul, the more it will radiate from you. Be a vessel of unlimited capacity.

I thought, it’s ironic that I could only find the light in the total darkness of this tank.

I heard, You have many talents, some of which have been in the back of the woodshed for a long time and are getting rusty. These are some of the tools you need to sharpen:

First, you’re soft yet strong. Make sure those qualities are in perfect balance, and hide neither of them.

Second, intuition. You have both Ne + Ni, which is not that common. Practice your Ni. Your experiences in the tank have given you a glimpse of that talent, and now you must exercise it in the real world.

And third, the ability to make connections. Not with everyone. But you do have the ability to discern the essence of people by seeing through their outer layers of personality and appearance. This tool is rusty, so it needs to be oiled and then sharpened.

I asked, What are some others? How about my intelligence, my artistic abilities? I heard, Oh now you’re just looking for compliments. Those are the talents you know about. I thought you should know about the talents that you weren’t aware of.

And the thing is, you’re not unique. There are others out there who are seeking light, wisdom and truth. Even if you find just a few of them, it’s completely worth your time and effort. There are those who seek the light, and there are those that seek the darkness. You used to be someone who sought the darkness, but you have changed. Know the difference in others and make your decisions accordingly.

I asked, What about the concept of Time? Is it real or imagined?

I heard, All moments in time are happening simultaneously. Human beings constructed the concept of Time as we know it now. It’s an obelisk built with bricks that are seamlessly laid together–end to end, corner to corner–an almost perfect construction. Almost perfect because if you step inside, you’ll see that there are complex machinations within. But there are imperfections you can look for which can take you into other timelines. They are extremely subtle. It would take you several lifetimes to find them, and once you do, it would take you another several lifetimes to figure out what to do with them.

As the music started, I remained stubbornly in theta. My subconscious called out to me, Remember that love is hyperawareness! Remember that time is a structure that mankind built and that all timelines are happening at this very moment!

The music became louder and impossible to ignore. My subconscious said, Okay, its time for you to go now. Don’t forget what you’ve learned.

I emerged from theta slowly and in my grogginess, struggled to find the door handle. My subconscious called out again, Don’t hurt yourself on your way out–grab the bar to steady yourself. You might think we could get a lot done if you’re lying in a hospital bed for the next 7 months, but you’ll get more done if you’re mobile.

No news from the trenches

I didn’t experience theta during today’s session. I floated in mid-afternoon; this departed from my previous routine of waking up, having a light breakfast, working out and running over to the float tank place.

I relaxed and had some insightful thoughts…but didn’t feel anything remotely like a trance until literally 20 seconds before the music started, signalling the end of the session.

I really, really hope that the break from my usual habits was responsible for the lack of theta. I’m going back to my old routine for the next one.

Hide, then go seek

This morning in the tank, I had a hard time settling in. There were times when I felt I was on the verge of sinking into theta; I’d sense what was happening and will it into progressing further. But fixating on it simply made it vanish each time. So I focused on relaxing every muscle in my body, starting from my toes and working up, and eventually drifted into a tenuous theta state.

I wanted to see what the world was like before people, before dinosaurs, before life existed on this planet. I went backwards in time witnessing a montage of clips from history, then prehistory, then pre-prehistory. I went back until the only life that existed was bacteria in a misty, acrid primordial soup, and I was floating amongst them. I heard, You still carry the blueprint for life before life existed within yourself. You carry it within, as does all of humanity.

I envisioned a fresh new sperm penetrating a fresh new egg, and said, Well I don’t think so. I was created from fresh materials. And I was told, It’s in your DNA. Your DNA holds the blueprint from eons ago.

I heard, Did you know that you are marked with a V on your forehead? V for Victim. This is a result of your upbringing, when just being noticed was excuse enough for someone to verbally excoriate you. The V imprinted like a tattoo, and over time it became a neon sign that shone like a beacon in the darkness. It has attracted those who unconsciously sense you are a willing victim. But you put it there, and you can remove it now if you want to.

I asked, Should I leave it on, maybe making the V stand for something else…V for Vendetta or Vulnerability?

I heard, No, take it off now and make sure it never comes back. If you paint it back on, you’ll put yourself back in prison and you just got out of there. I visualized the V falling from my forehead. A jagged V remained with light outlining it, pulsing from behind my forehead. The light subsided, leaving a blackened scar. The scar healed until no sign remained.

I asked, Is that it? Is that the only thing? And I heard, This is huge. There is nothing more important in your life right now. You’ve just done away with years of needless suffering. You don’t need to hide anymore. You used to hide to avoid being victimized, but now you know you are no longer attracting victimizers. Let your light shine with impunity. Keep lighting your own path but remember that everyone’s path is unique. Do not enslave others under the guise of doing something good for them.

There is no fate, there is no destiny. These are concepts made up by people to make them feel more comfortable and relieve them of responsibility.

What’s material is immaterial

I saw my third eye far in the distance.

I saw a mist made of bright light dance and unfold before me. How beautiful, I thought.

An opening in the ground presented itself and I wondered if it led to many branching tunnels.

Go down into the rabbit hole, I heard. Go in and see what you find there.

I slipped inside and came to the place of infinite mystery and wisdom.

I asked, Are you my higher self?  The voice answered, You could call me your higher self if you like. Yes, I am you. I’m the part of you that is still connected to the place of infinite wisdom.

I asked, How is it I can talk to you in this tank? The answer was, You’re disconnected from all of your senses this way. You leave your corporeal self behind, or at least it sinks to a very low level in your consciousness. You are all soul, all spirit now. You are pure intuitive and zero sensor.

I asked, Would I be able to talk to you outside of this tank or do I always need to contact you in this way? The answer was, You may be able to talk to me at some point outside the tank, but what’s so bad about doing it this way?

I asked, What is my purpose in life? The answer was, You have taken the first few unsteady steps forward on the path. You must inspire others to find their own paths. To do this, let the light within yourself burn brightly so that others can see it, even though they’ll only perceive it on a subconscious level. You sparkle inside even now, and you’re doing everything you can to hide it. You could move through your own journey alone, but finding others whose lights burn brightly will accelerate your progress in a way you cannot achieve on your own.

I asked, Will you tell me what lies ahead in my future? The answer: I cannot predict the future. Yes, there are probabilities and outcomes, but an infinite number of variations.

The voice continued, Develop your third eye. Your third eye can pierce through the fabric that covers the world around you. It is only fabric but it models the shape of mountains, trees, tall buildings. Everyone has been conditioned to think of it as reality, but it actually lies beneath the fabric. What’s material is immaterial. Look for the places where the fabric has worn thin and there you will find reality more easily.